So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize