you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
