I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
