ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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