Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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