Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
