i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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