I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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