Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
