he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize