ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
