Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
