I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Still dying that you shit outside
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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