i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
