the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I think my fart just growled at me.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
