I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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