There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
