She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
