I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
