apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
