I want to make a zoo with you.
I just threw up on my dentist
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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