How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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