what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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