I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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