if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
