a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Well I just put wine in my tea
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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