Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
