the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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