WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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