I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
