My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
