I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
