my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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