I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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