Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
