if i died would you start the facebook group?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
