my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
