apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
