You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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