it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
