I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
