Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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