dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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