I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
