Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
