i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize