I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
