I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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