The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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