girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
