I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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