She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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