There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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