I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
