my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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