can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
