Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
