life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
