chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
