i permit you to call me
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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