Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
