Too much gin, very little bucket
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
