Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize