Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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