Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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