No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize