o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
